Towelie: [dropping in] Don't forget to bring a towel.
The Boys: Aaagh!
Cartman: Oh no, not Towelie.
Towelie: When goin' someplace new, you should always bring a towel.
Stan: Okay, thanks, Towelie. [rolls his eyes]
Towelie: Do you wanna get high?
Cartman: [quickly] No, we don't wanna get high!!
Towelie: You mean, you don't want Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand that there's been a ...Towelie ban?... [snorts and starts laughing]
The Boys: [not amused. Kyle covers his eyes] Awww!
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: Alright, see ya. [walks off]
"You wanna get high?" -- Towelie
"Won't you take me down, to funky town" -- Towelie
"Towelie, your the worst character ever." -- Cartman
"I know." -- Towelie
"I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!" -- Cartman
"Dude, Cartman, look! Your mother is on the cover of Crack Whore Magazine!" -- Kyle
"This is pretty fucked up right here." -- Stan
"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" -- Stan
"You bastards!" -- Kyle
"Don't do drugs kids. There a time and place for everything. And it's called college." -- Chef
"Too bad drinking scotch isn't a paying job or Kenny's dad would be a millionare!" -- Cartman
"If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass I would say hey, missy, go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!" -- Cartman
"Mom -- kitty is being a dildo." -- Cartman
"I know a special little kitty that's sleeping with mommy tonight." -- Cartman's mom replies
"Say "hi" to Sexual Harassment Panda!" -- Mr. Garrison
"Hi, Sexual Harassment Panda." -- The class
"Did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? That makes me a sa-a-a-a-ad panda" -- Sexual Harassment Panda
"This is freaking me out, dude." -- Kyle [to Stan]
"And when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. Now, I'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through each and every sexual harassment law." -- Sexual Harassment Panda
"Awwww!" -- The class
"That's right, Mr. Garrison. Christopher Columbus discovered America and was the Indians' best friend. He helped the Indians win their war against Frederick Douglass and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon and discovered France." -- Mr. Garrison's hand puppet Mr. Hat
"Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!" -- Kyle's Mom
"If there are any questions, direct them to that brick wall over there." -- Network President
"It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him." -- Newscaster
"The President responded to the situation by saying "Screw those commie bastards and screw their wussy space station." -- Newscaster
"It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him." -- Newscaster
"I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer." -- Terrance
" ... I don't want to shoot the bunny." -- Stan
"No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger." -- Jimbo
"Yeah hippie, go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything." -- Cartman
"Stan, what did I tell you about watching the Osbournes? It's going to make you retarded!" -- Stan's Mom
"Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly!" -- Wendy
"Intelligent and friendly on rye bread, with some mayonaise." -- Cartman
"Genetic engineering is man's way of correcting God's hideous mistakes, like German people." -- Mr. Garrison
"It's coming right at as! Shot it Ned!" -- Uncle Jimbo
"Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way." -- Uncle Jimbo
"Mmmmmkay?" -- Mr. Mackey
Token : "You mean, you want me around?"
Stan : "Sure, dude, you're our friend."
Token : "Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip on me for being rich."
Stan : "Dude, just because we rip on you for being rich doesn't mean we don't like you."
Kyle : "Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something about all our friends to rip on. We made fun of you for being rich just like we make fun of Butters for being wimpy."
Butters : "They sure do."
Stan : "Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being a Jew."
Kyle : "Right."
Token : "That's right, huh?"
Kyle : "And Stan for being in love with Wendy."
Stan : "Yeah, I get it for that."
Kyle : "And Cartman for being fat."
Cartman : "Uh huh."
Kyle : "And Cartman for being stupid."
Cartman : "Yeah."
Kyle : "And Cartman for having a whore for a mom."
Cartman : "Hey!"
Kyle : "And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole."
Cartman : "Ey, you did me already!"
Chef: Oh, it makes me sick! Those damn psycologists perscribe all kinda medicines to you children without even carin' 'bout the side effects!
Stan: But there are no side effects, Chef!
Kyle: No! None at all!
(Cartman sees a little pink monster that looks like Christina Aguilera.)
Christina Aguilera Monster: Rar! (Cartman rubs his eyes and the monster is gone.)
Cartman: Did y'guys see that?!
Stan: See what?!
(Cut to MTV News Broadcasting.)
Announcer: You're watching MTV! The cool brain-washing twelve year old and younger station that hides behind a slick image! We're so cool that we decided what's cool! And now, MTV News! The news that has single-handedly dumbing down our country, which is cool! Here's your host, Kurt Loader!
Kurt Loader: Why am I still doing this?! I've got to be the oldest person on this network by at least forty years!
Announcer: Kurt Loader didn't just say that! No wait! He did just say it, but just to be cool! That's what makes him cool! You think Kurt Loader is cool! And now, the news that's cool!
